stream of consciousness....

things have been very crazy this past week... depressingly chaotic!!!!

consulting projects have been slow, despite some good leads, none are solid yet... deals are still pending... still have to wait for clients to confirm...

job interviews have been ok...some solid leads are in process... hopefully i'll land a job.

business setting up has been rough... incorporation is unclear... setup cost has been soaring uncontrollably... thus my IRR is going down... unless i get creative and consider them sunk cost... then i dont have to include them in my valuation.

the house setting is getting crazier... with no househelp and with me being home most of the time... ive been the ranting board and the lucky recipient of complains from my mother...

my life is really going crazy... i have set my directions so well... doing my best to do the most that i can to improve my life yet a lot of outside forces percieves my effort as "nothing" and that i should shape up. haaayyy... what i percieve as strategic is percieved by others a mediocre and the pressure to just do what others want seem to be a good idea and will get people off my back... I need strength, patience. Amazingly, the advice i get are the same things that i am already doing... but since its invisible to most, it's perceived as a waste of time... it's like forces want me to grow old so fast.. though i admit i am not getting any younger and with really no personal accomplishment that i can call mine.

all my qualifications are in paper, good credentials yet no solid performance to back it up...its getting darker, the light at the end of the tunnel is flickering... and if does seem to get closer and closer... i hope its not a subway train heading straight at me