sleepless nights... haunting thoughts... ghosts inside my head... this is not my normal insomiac syndrome where i normally don't feel sleepy till about 4am... this are the times when i am sooo sleeepy but my mind is active that i drive away sleepiness and exhaustion.

this blog is entitled kaCOOLitan, post should have a crazy tone, a funny twist or simply a non-sense entry meant to be hilariously corny... but this phase in my life seems to be the darkest and despite my jolly, cheerful, puro kalokohan at katarantaduhan personality i can't seem to kick myself out of this trance. So most of my entries have a rhetoric theme to it because i can't seem to find the answers myself.

paradoxically, i'm eager to hit rock bottom to end this virtually endless downward spiral phase i am going thru...i feel that i am floating into an abyss of nothingness where my feet can't feel anything hard enough to kick off and propel myself upward and get back on the surface.

maybe the bigger paradox is to let my heart crumble, to fill up or remove the void which i long to be filled. it might be a better option than to wait for someone to fill up that hollow part of my heart, who might end up leaving creating a bigger black hole nothingness or worse break it to unmendable pieces, leaving an empty space where my heart should have been.

it's been a while when i had a good laugh... a genuine smile... a heartfelt happiness... a blooming aura...