I dare not!!!

I used to play this game so cooly... smooth and detached. No remorse, no regret, no emotion. i can take the most out of anything all for my own self gratification and interest, justifying my conscience with the "consensus" nature of the deed. No deceit, no lies, straight forward, all my cards on the table.

So what's wrong with me. Am i now being short-change? tables turned? doze of my own medicine? i think not. i beg to disagree... to a certain extent. but yes \, a qualified yes. Romance is such a deadly two edge knife cutting both ways, hurting the person who holds on tighter and harder more and more, the tighter and harder they "grip". Eventually the pain is too much too bear and you let go... and the scar and the memories of the pain make you take it out on the next person that comes along.. maybe... unfair isn't it? is that the balance of life? or the degradation of civilization... of sanity... of decency.

Anything before but not during or after... anything from then is now during or even after which means slowly im losing your importance in my life, im now confused if this is just for the sake of the challenge or simply matter of pride or maybe just to get away with murder of the worst kind.. leaving someone emotionally dead and physically alive...been there, over and over again... I will not die today!!! not anymore... not ever... not for you... not for anyone... play your game.. im a quick study... no one beats me in anything that i put my mind into. I am the master of my destiny... ill be a great man... i'll conquer myself and no one will....