A year ago....

... i was only 28. now im... oh come on...
... i was still under probation... (prior to work permanency)
... my work station was the cleanest, organized desk... now its one big mess
... i was single... now i'm single again
... i had no money... now i'm rich (i wish!!! hahaha)
... i'm driving my lancer... now i still am (hmmmmmmmm)

a lot has changed, people have come and are gone... EVERYBODY LEAVES?? EVERYBODY LIES??


Punk & Disorderly


Still i seek solace in my solitude, though the isolation seems to be wearing me out. it's so pathetic to scan thru my phonebook to look for people to jam with and not find one. either i have not communicated with them for the longest time and its too embarassing to ask simply coz of my selfish, alterior motive, or simply just out of restlessness i look for gimik but really, i am not in the mood.

"Alone...restless...breakfast table in an otherwise empty room
Young girl...violins...center of her own attention
The, mother reads aloud, child, tries to understand it
Tries to make her proud"

ISOLATION

Is it possible that your friendship with your GF's friend extend beyond the relationship? When friends of your GF became your friends because of the existence of the relationship, where do you draw the line, of them being a friend with or without your GF?

I used to have a GF within the same circle of friends, that was way back in college... when we broke up... connections in the circle was cut... 3 was left, the real friends is pressume. no need to explain, no need to air my side... no effort to be with them... i went away for downtime and solitude and came back like i never left...

... "they are more of my friends than yours" implicitly stated. TRUE!!! do i exert the effort to extend a friendship where i know that "sides" will be taken from the onset? professionaly - no doubt i should, but personally, i dont want to feel stupid... i could be presumptuous, even judgemental, i want to be fair but i feel a discomfort churning my gut... so i'd rather stay away. i hate hypocrisy, i am a straight shooter. but there is always a thin line between being civil and being pretentious, politeness and honesty.

my private life is all that is, private... i would never put it on the table for public consumption... unless and only with a few trusted people. if other people who knows me, whether out of opinion, grapevine or what-have-you choose to speak about it, knock yourself out...

for now id rather be alone... ease out slowly than be abrupt... now if only my nanay process my petition for migration... that's all i need to leave, start fresh without running away. a new lease of life... away from it all...


Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

- Phil Collins Separate Lives